Accepting Acceptance…

Much is made of acceptance but what of accepting acceptance.

In a previous article I talked about the power of incremental acceptance and how it could be used to help us realise our true nature. I’ve since found it can be applied to virtually any field.

Many people engage in negative self talk and keep themselves bound over and unable to live life fully. From not being able to take a compliment to self sabotaging opportunities to live a stronger and freer life. It is almost as if there is a collective brainwashing at hand where people really can’t accept themselves. This leads to roles being played out and the tragedy here is that we are unable to form real human relationships, communicate authentically or live.

… It means to be open, to be vulnerable, to be courageous, to be as inquisitive as a child and to let go as easily as a child. To be empty.

I have found we are almost hardwired not to break out of the cages of our environment, conditioning and peer groups. Does this come from the idea of safety and is this idea even true. For if this idea is situated in the mind then by its nature it is limited and as such doesn’t offer true safety.

So, what does it mean to be truly safe? to have certainty and in this certainty be accepting of a deep acceptance that allows us to live wide open as we truly are. It means to be open, to be vulnerable, to be courageous, to be as inquisitive as a child and to let go as easily as a child. To be empty. To allow any experience, good or bad to arise and fall as and how it should, without trying to hold it, resist it or even understand and yet being alright even if you find yourself resisting and holding. To realise that acceptance isn’t passive but empowering that by allowing everything we cannot be held by anything.

In this expansive we see constantly our limitations and in gratitude watch as like a wave crashing across the rocks that these limitations die always replaced by something more. That which is merely an idea being exposed to reveal what we truly are.

Conditioning the Universe Entire

For many years I was told I wasn’t enough, by parents, by peers, by teachers. The tragedy wasn’t that they spoke those words, the tragedy was that I started to listen and internalise what was being said. I carried on listening and the number of times I heard I wasn’t enough or that I wasn’t worthy echoed in me over and over like a hypnotic command. You aren’t enough, nothing you do will amount to much, the list goes on.

“Give me the boy for the first seven years, and I’ll give you the man”

We condition through repetition the idea into so many of our children’s minds that they aren’t enough and that they need to defend the limited idea of them that we have given them. As a young fragile mind listens and is moulded into an individual, that grows up with fear, anxiety and lack. The words of the Jesuits ring true, who stated:””

“Give me the boy for the first seven years, and I’ll give you the man”

But what might you ask does this have to do with seeking?. Well at its most basic level isn’t a belief that something is missing, a belief that has been externally introduced to us to create separation and create “the story of me”. This program repeated constantly, causes us to internalise this “story of me” until it stuck into our subsconscious and affected our thoughts and behaviours.

Conditioning

Millions of these programs run silently in the background making our decisions for us, causing us pain if we try to diverge from them meaning that so many will never see what they truly are as the program scares us enough, gives us enough pain to prevent us from seeing. There is a myriad of programs running even now that are affecting even the tone and structure of this article and even how it is read and interpreted.

Can we become free of our conditioning?

Can we become free of our conditioning?, not eradicate it, as it serves a purpose and lets us function in this illusory existence but can we be aware of it, so it doesn’t conflict with us and we can drop its most insidious program that we are separate from ourselves and that we are enough. That conditioning is like an operating system which we have the power to upgrade or delete programs that do not serve us anymore. When we can see this and realise that ultimately, as consciousness we put these programs in place to reinforce or protect a certain reality and now that it is redundant. It can be let go.

True Nature

That our true nature is that which is prior to our mind. As we live from that state, the mind then is an aspect of us, albeit a minor one. As could the entirety of consciousness be encapsulated in mind - and if it cannot, similar to saying we could hold the entire ocean in a glass, that we can see the limitation of our thinking, become aware of it and even know why we do what we do. Then as we see the futility of certain programs we can let them go and keep those that allow us the fullest expression of what we are: The universe entire…

Aashiq ka Janaaza Hai…

Aashiq ka Janaaza Hai…

Words fail me as silence engulfed me

What can I say that encapsulates the ocean

Knowing this futility what I am I to do

All words are redundant

Destined to fail

Yet appearing redundantly

Yet serving a purpose

How do I go past this

How do I sing this song

Why is my throat constricted

Why am I caged

Why has the ocean chosen to be a drop

What wisdom is there in the lunacy of separation

What is that word that will bring solace to my heart

And calm my yearning

As this agitation consumes me

As emotions rises

As ideas fail

Thoughts are calmed

Emotions pass

Feelings dissipate

The wave returns to the ocean

The ‘me’ is no more

Who could have witnessed this

Who could even be aware of the silence

Who could commit this sin of two

And who is there to even know this…

The Power of Incremental Acceptance

Accepting

Much has been said about the idea of accepting who we truly are.  We are told “accept who you are and things will change, accept this moment even if its horrible and watch it change”, and even though we know all of this theoretically to be true, so few of us truly accept who we are and see through this idea of seeking. 

Why do we do this? Continue to seek even though a simple acceptance could change everything.  Could it be that what we see as a simple acceptance is too much for the mind to accept and instead it throws up a myriad of reasons to not accept.  Remember the mind is purposeful, not logical and as such it’s duty is to keep you safe based on the programs running in your mind, whether they are logical or not. 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”

Rumi

Barriers Against Love

As the quote by Rumi highlights it is not to seek for love but instead seek the barriers. These stories that are in place that prevent seeing.  Sufis talk of constant remembrance in order to cleanse the dust from the mirror of the heart and in this constant cleansing, this constant letting go, we see more and more of what we truly are.

This cleansing and its resulting acceptance helps us to see what we are.  By becoming aware of our stories and predominant emotional states we can take small steps towards accepting more and more of what we are and letting go more and more of what we are not.  Similar to those who having multiple awakenings, each time the mind comes back until eventually it doesn’t and is replaced by a constant seeing.  This is from a constant meeting of ourselves and seeing that what we took to be true isn’t necessarily so.  By taking small incremental acceptances in whatever comes up we can minimise the minds excuse of not wanting to accept.

 The reason I propose this as a way to let go of seeking is due to a recent participant at one of my intensives.  The idea of acceptance and loving themselves was abhorrent, even though they were sincere in their seeking.  The mind had thrown up many excuses ranging from “I am stupid”, “I am not worthy” and “I can’t love myself, I hate myself”. 

Gradual Process

I noticed by asking them to simply accept. it was provoking a very negative reaction and instead was creating a confrontational and hostile situation.  It was when I asked if they could accept just a little bit and love themselves just a little bit that the mind was calmed and they were able to answer in the affirmative.  This incremental acceptance mushroomed and over the coming sessions I witnessed them accept themselves and love themselves more.  The process had started and they commented that they felt a process had begun and more and more was being let go of naturally. 

The power of Incremental acceptance is that it allows us to bypass the mental chatter and fears that come up as a knee jerk reaction when we want to simply accept or let go.  By continually visiting the issue in the here and now, slowly but surely making incremental movements, we can watch results mushroom and then letting go and accepting happen naturally, allowing us to see what we truly are. 

“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible”

St Francis of Assisi

Managing Change

A theme that arises constantly in my talks is about Managing Change.

Change can be difficult or easy depending on how you approach it and in this article I want to focus on two areas one needs to concentrate on in order to make sure change is permanent and long lasting.

Firstly, have patience with the process of change and with those around you. It is easy when setting out to change to be over enthusiastic and want change to happen instantly. Invariably there is failure going down this route, for as soon as we start rocking the boat to much the subconscious mind will sabotage any efforts which threaten our safety. Remember its primary purpose is to keep us safe so anything going against that is rejected.

A better strategy is to change incrementally. The Japanese management theory of Kaizen, (meaning continuous change) advises us to make small almost minute changes but consistently. This has the effect of tricking the subconscious mind as well as making it easier to accept new programming. It also is in alignment with habit creation. As the saying goes,

“Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going”

By taking an incremental but continuous movement to change we also encourage longer term thinking and again patience in the whole process.

Another aspect of patience is patience with those around us. In growing, you do challenge those around you whether you are aware of it or not. This can lead to friendships ending and conflict as your very changing upsets the current paradigm. Be aware of this and exercise more compassion and more care for those around you. It can be frightening watching a partner change and this can lead to conflict which has in many cases stopped growth in people as they feel they don’t want to make the necessary sacrifices involved with change as short term turbulence has convinced them to abandon the long term benefits of change. Instead focus on what brings you together and grow together.

Secondly, cultivate an awareness of yourself and your environment. Realise what change is doing to you and again realise when you need to stop and rest. Sometimes taking a ‘gung ho’ attitude and going in all guns blazing really doesn’t serve us and is in fact a subtle self sabotage. Instead focus on how you feel and the sensations you may feel in your body or the thoughts or emotions that may be arising. This will also show you that your limits as to what you are, aren’t real and provide encouragement that you do have the necessary strength to keep changing.

Develop also an awareness of those around you. Your growing and changing will trigger those around you, be aware of that and don’t take any comments or attacks that come your way personally. Your growth will impact those around you, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively, become aware of this and stay the course. If you ride this phase out you may find others adjust to you and help you grow further. To quote Gandhi

“First they ignore you
then they laugh at you,
then they fight you,
then you win”

So just a few pointers to help you manage growth. Try them as and how they feel right for you and as you change you may find you see more and more who you truly are.