Realising Infinite Possibilities

If I take a position, if I create a belief or if I think a thought to be real, I have trapped myself and I am no longer free. By taking a position or forming an opinion, I then must defend that position, as humans being as they are, do not like the discomfort that comes with having to admit you were wrong. We are conditioned to celebrate our successes, not our failures, and, as such, to avoid failure, we will, most times, double down on our position, even when we know it to be wrong in the hope that it may be proven right. The stock market illustrates this beautifully in the action of novice investors who, upon finding themselves in a losing position, will sometimes double down or take further losses on the hope that the market will rebound and they will recoup their losses, instead of just cutting a losing position. The desire to be right is so strong that many a time we will take loss after loss rather than admit we were wrong.

This behaviour is seen in all facets of life and the spiritual community isn’t exempt. Let us take the example of awakenings. I have, over the years, had many stories of awakening narrated to me. What is common in so many of them is the desire to have an awakening that is almost identical to the awakening that happened previously. Anything that occurs which isn’t like that will be immediately dismissed and not accepted causing the seeker to continue seeking. This is an example of taking a position which excludes all other positions. We are then limited and unable to open to the infinite possibilities that occur in every moment, simply because we have taken a position. We are now honour bound to defend that position and add more evidence to the position to justify our taking a particular stance. All compounding into a narrowing of thought which now cannot accept another point of view. With the passing of time, this narrowness of thought becomes even more constricting and, unless we are met with an overwhelming shock to our way of thinking, or if we can incrementally and progressively change our thinking, we will find ourselves unable to fully experience our true nature…

What then to do? If we can become aware of the problem, then that can start us on the process of accepting and being open to whatever the moment brings. In turn, this can lead to a dropping away of the stories that have been held in place. Namely that a certain position can only be that way. As we move towards openness, there is more trusting and a greater acceptance of what may occur. We are then not limited but open to any possibility occurring in the moment. This can bring up excitement, curiosity, and a natural enquiry. A wanting to know what can happen but also a resting in not needing to know the answer. A complete trusting. In this trusting, we are turned inwards and an exploration naturally occurs effortlessly and without intent or purpose. We are absolutely free in this space. Ideas, concepts and even the idea of the other cease to make sense. There is only this moment. Singular, whole and complete. A place of infinite possibilities.

A place where you are emphatically you.

What is This?

There are as many ways to see this reality as there are people on this planet. Such varied descriptions of this reality have led to the rise of religions, spiritual approaches, and methodologies. Each claiming to be the most accurate way of seeing reality. This has on occasion led to a reinforcing of duality, of separation, as the various proponents of their approaches have argued that theirs is, not only the most accurate way of seeing reality, but the only way.

I have always argued that this shows more about the follower of the approach as opposed to the approach. Normally, a lack of confidence makes us shout even louder that only our way is right. In this, we commit an injustice to ourselves and those around us. Closing ourselves off to any other approach and, in many cases, blindly following a path which leads us further and further away from who we truly are.

The simple answer to the question posed is simply, I do not know, and I think we can never know, and yet this exploration and enquiry continue. Although, it may appear futile as words can never adequately capture what this truly is. There is a purpose, firstly, to serve as a guidepost almost pointing ourselves and others in the way towards realisation and, secondly, to allow us to see the vastness and yet intimacy of this reality. To naturally bring up a humility and gratitude, and watch as that fuels further exploration and enquiry. It may be argued that this creates further seeking, but, if we consider that we are not separate from this reality, then we go from seeking to seeing. To become aware that what is being pointed to and explored is our true nature. Who we really are.

I have found from this perspective, this seeing creates an effortlessness and a natural curiosity. An impersonal desire emanating from this consciousness wanting to know itself. Echoing the Quranic verse

“I was a treasure I wished to be known.”

I have always pondered why the Quran would state this and I can only offer forth the following observation: that reality wishes to know itself and, as such, sets up the whole play of life to explore more of what it is. In that sense, it doesn’t have parameters or is limited. It is vast, beyond comprehension and able to hold all positions, and yet none. All and nothing occur in it and, yet, there is nothing definitive about it. In that lies its wonder, that, however much we enquire or explore, we will never plumb the depths of the ocean that is life.

Life then truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

This Play of Words, This Symphony Divine (Cette symphonie divine)

This play of words, leading to futility. A necessary exercise in failure for which the reason cannot be known. Maybe by pointing, someone will go past my words and realise the word is not the thing.

Why is fanciful explanation needed? Why do we so wish to overcomplicate things? Is it because the mind wants kudos, that, in its cleverness, it was able to produce the most accurate description of reality and therein lies the problem. In our attempt to know this, we have built huge edifices to truth. We appointed ourselves as custodians, and then, in that final act of arrogance.

That there is no way but this way. That this is the final and ultimate truth. After this, there shall be no more. Heed our warning or you will be in peril, and you will have upset our God, who will strike down upon thee in terrible vengeance.

The innocence of the heart objects; is this realisation not our birthright?

Blasphemy; blasphemy is heard from the pulpit. How dare you question our omnipotent God. Even though we secretly know we have created this false God. So, we condemn and go to war and yet that innocence, the beautiful child, that timelessness, dances amongst us immune to slander, knowing no pain or lie. It is our moment of vulnerability, the intimacy when we are alone, this sweetest of symphonies, whirling away in the sweetest abandon.

Constantly reminding us,

Remember who you are.

Remember who you are.

(Inspired by Shostakovich Waltz No2)

Keystrokes…

There is utter silence. After years of frenetic activity, there is finally silence. This silence is occurring in the most unusual of places and it turns my focus inwards. Sometimes, I struggle to function and must come out of the silence, but, I sense its call drawing me back.

I have found now that I want a life outside the constant talks and producing content, and there is a settling and a desire to put down roots.

It’s about caring for me now, about caring for my family and mending relationships that suffered as I constantly moved about travelling and speaking. I have spoken of this for years and made attempts to do this but now I see it is occurring naturally. There is a structure occurring in this work, and yet, there is a real freedom in this structure. There is a joy in writing now and exploring the theme of self-realisation.

I recently registered that it had been sixteen years since I stopped seeking and it is bringing up new insight, and I find myself looking at the topic of self-realisation differently. I am excited and I can’t remember how long it has been since I felt like this. I feel things and those feelings provide insight at a depth I have never known. I know the word deepening is inadequate, but that is how it feels. Like a child exploring their terrain, I am exploring once again. Taking tentative steps and becoming aware of all these beautiful expressions that exist.

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“The heart has its own language. The heart knows a hundred thousand ways to speak.”

- Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi

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There is a joy with each keystroke and seeing words appear on the screen. Ideas appear in a non-linear fashion and, like a child throwing paint on a canvas, I find a beauty in this, and yet I am finding the non-linear is leading to the linear. What will this exploration throw up? Where will this lead? I explore the vastness I am. Like a visitor fascinated by seeing that masterpiece for the first time and witnessing its magnificence wanting to drink in every detail.

Those years of chaos are being replaced by a structure and yet there is freedom in this structure.

What will this exploration bring up next?

The Language of Silence

There is a silence that watches itself. The silence and that which watches it may appear separate but are in fact one.

““There is a voice that doesn’t use words — Listen!””

— Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi

In this silence this language is heard. This voice heard. Offering understanding and insight to itself. There is silence and it appears as if nothing stirs. The desire to be or do anything doesn’t arise. There is just this silence speaking to itself, hearing itself. Immediate and alive. It does not stop speaking to itself or hearing itself.

The insights are constant, the understanding deepens. It is seen everything is taken care of and this seclusion needed. Everything feels jagged or not right when an attempt to communicate is made and not needed. The personal self, trying to do something here is not needed. It, this beautiful silence is taking care of itself. It is self-governing, sovereign over all things. Dictating what is and what isn’t needed. It is life. It is this silently silent reality that pervades all things.

I sit and stare engrossed in this silent conversation. I have lost my learning and know nothing and yet this conversation of one makes perfect sense. Constant and yet effortless. This conversation is what is important and when it is done, I will return to “life.” Return to a life which tells me I must act or behave a certain way. And yet I will not return as I left, and I will not be as when I left. Something has changed in me and yet I can’t but help think it was always there. A diamond in the dirt waiting to be discovered. Waiting to be known. I end as I started.

There is a silence that watches itself. The silence and that which watches it may appear separate but are in fact one.

This Silence that watches itself is you!

Photo by Michael on Unsplash